Right now I am very conflicted. I want to be selfless and be a good support to my friends who are going through a very difficult and stressful transitional period in their lives. I want to be happy for them and share in their joy as they start this new adventure. I want to shower them with love and support because they are my friends and that is what they deserve, and because I want what is best for them, and because I know what they are doing is right and good. But there is a very selfish part of me too that says I don't want to lose my friends. That I rely on them for strength and support. That I need their confidence and the community that they bring to my life because we share the same values and beliefs and aspiriations. There is no hiding or falseness, just truth when I am with them. I am able to be 'me,' without the mask that I wear in the rest of my life, and that is going to change now. I know it is selfish of me to grieve over this, and maybe part of my emotions are coming from a bit of jealousy in that they are able to start a journey that I wish I was able to join too...and I don't really know how to reconcile the two parts of me that are conflicted right now.
I will continue to pray for peace and the grace to trust that everything happens for a purpose...
No comments:
Post a Comment