Love-Hate Relationship

I have a love-hate relationship with Confession. As a Catholic, I believe that when I go to the Sacrament of Reconcilliation, I am speaking to Christ to confess my sins, not just a priest...

So, this is what happened...I was feeling very depressed and separated from God...I could not find joy or solace in prayer - in fact, prayer had become almost painful fo rme over the past few weeks. I was so distracted and disconnected. There was an ache in my heart, I could not explain. As days went by the ache became a hole and continued to grow. I started having thoughs of going to confession. I don't particularly like going to confession. Who likes telling someone, even Jesus, their sins? I know He knows them anyway, but still...it is humbling to kneel before your Lord and say the horrible things you have done...and I am still working on being humble so I don't particularly enjoy this exercise. But anyway, I was feeling desolate and it was put in my heart to go to confession...so I endeavored to go.

My schedule is so crazy, that it is hard for me to make it to Confession on Saturdays. In fact, I shouldn't have been able to go this Saturday either. But God can do all things and rearranged my schedule so that I could get to confession. But even then, I was willful and did not leave myself enough time to get to the Church...and by the time I had gotten to there, it was 4:55 and Father had to get ready for Mass...and I was unable to go. :( - I was upset about it too...because I had wanted to go..but I had allowed my laziness and willfulness to again get in the way...I had to accept the consequences for that, and I resolved to make an appointment to go to confession during the week.

On Sunday after Mass, I was able however, to tried to make an appointment with Fr. Jack to hear my confession and he was kind enough to hear it in between Sunday masses. So I was able to go to Confession. After confession, God gave me peace in my heart again, and I was able to reconnect to Jesus and pray.

Through this I realized that I REALLY NEED God in my life. I CANNOT do without Him. It makes me sad and depressed to be AWAY from Him. And that when I feel that way I need to do something to reconnect in order to find my peace again. I HAVE TO HAVE GOD. There is no alternative, for through Him alone do I get peace, joy, and happiness.

Thank you Jesus, for giving me this understanding.